What to do, when you don't know what to do?
When one begins to run out of time, time that seemed just yesterday infinite and friendly. And today seems like the enemy. Each day taunting, and vicious in its inexorable march forward. What will become of me in that onslaught?
What does one do when one regrets the time and life given in service to others?
Do I begrudge them of the time I once happily, joyfully, willingly gave? To move their (not my) goals forward. To guarantee that their (not my) children succeeded. To fill their hearts (not mine) with security, joy, and contentment?
I hate myself for saying it, but at this time in my life, childless, degree-less, spouse-less, and near hopeless, I must say that; yes, yes I do regret every year I spent improving the lives of ungrateful, selfish, others.
So what does one do? Except sit overwhelmed and cry out to HaShem for a bit of merciful fairness?
Monday, February 1, 2010
Sunday, February 17, 2008
So we sit, waiting for the time of his presidency to wear out...wondering what leaders half a world away will do.
"Divide the land" the holy man said...
He stands like a monkey wearing a crown and holds in his hand a scepter of power:
"hear me i am the supreme ruler of the world and i demand that by the end of my term in office that Jerusalem be divided."
and the True ruler/creator saith thus:
I will gather all nations, and will bring them down into the valley of Jehoshaphat; and I will enter into judgment with them there for My people and for My heritage Israel, whom they have scattered among the nations, and divided My land.
So we sit, waiting for time to run out...wishing we were half a world away fighting for the truth of Him.
"Divide the land" the holy man said...
He stands like a monkey wearing a crown and holds in his hand a scepter of power:
"hear me i am the supreme ruler of the world and i demand that by the end of my term in office that Jerusalem be divided."
and the True ruler/creator saith thus:
I will gather all nations, and will bring them down into the valley of Jehoshaphat; and I will enter into judgment with them there for My people and for My heritage Israel, whom they have scattered among the nations, and divided My land.
So we sit, waiting for time to run out...wishing we were half a world away fighting for the truth of Him.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Jerusalem
If I forget thee O' Jeruasalem...
If I split thee, divide thee, destroy thee, defile thee...
for my right hand has lost it's cunning, it's prayers, it's indignation, it's sense of the sacred, and it's elections.
Love of my soul, apple of my eye, jewel of unobtainable price, treasure among the palms (psalms) Yerushalayim..Heart
O' Jerusalem our hearts are rent at you blind leaders, our spirits flag at the betrayal, our cries are unheard and the voice of your enimies, O' G-d, are at the door. Where art thee whose promises are not slack, whose timing is perfect, whose judgement is just? We cry out to you, for Yerushalayim, we cry out for our heart!
If I split thee, divide thee, destroy thee, defile thee...
for my right hand has lost it's cunning, it's prayers, it's indignation, it's sense of the sacred, and it's elections.
Love of my soul, apple of my eye, jewel of unobtainable price, treasure among the palms (psalms) Yerushalayim..Heart
O' Jerusalem our hearts are rent at you blind leaders, our spirits flag at the betrayal, our cries are unheard and the voice of your enimies, O' G-d, are at the door. Where art thee whose promises are not slack, whose timing is perfect, whose judgement is just? We cry out to you, for Yerushalayim, we cry out for our heart!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Powers of Destruction and Desecration
It is not possible...PERES....It is just not possible! Has anyone in Israel listened to this man? How can this man, how can this weasel, how on earth can a man so at odds with Israel and her existence be its president??? He threatens Her very existence in his first "official" speech!
How can they stand it. The President by definition is supposed to be her champion, is supposed to be her spokesperson! Peres is supposed to be her servant. This perverse old man this blasphemer against G-ds own holy land, how does G-d allow such a disease in his own beloved Israel! How can G-d allow this desecration! Of his land, of his temple mount.
Does no one remember his disregard of Sderot in her peril. Does no one care that Peres hates Israel and Jews. This is the PRESIDENT!!?????? And I thought American politics were messed up!
How can they stand it. The President by definition is supposed to be her champion, is supposed to be her spokesperson! Peres is supposed to be her servant. This perverse old man this blasphemer against G-ds own holy land, how does G-d allow such a disease in his own beloved Israel! How can G-d allow this desecration! Of his land, of his temple mount.
Does no one remember his disregard of Sderot in her peril. Does no one care that Peres hates Israel and Jews. This is the PRESIDENT!!?????? And I thought American politics were messed up!
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Aaaaaaiiiieeeeeee! geeze it is frusterating when otherwise sane people do things just for the sake of....what? a reaction, well I guess...hmmm perhaps three fingers are pointing right back at me there...
Ok, you know what really irks....when talk show hosts want a bunch of idiot sycophants, cheering them on instead of thoughtful, mindful, engaged and informed listeners... That kind of showboat egoism, is what turns informative mind changing shows in to pointless, mindless, name calling entertainment.
On a point, for discussion; what is so important about rumination. I mean unless it is over something about which you likely soon be acting upon..or else in the process of heightening a relationship over, such as when reading Gods word...what good does it do to sit about a yak about it? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD..
DO SOMETHING!
again here I sit...3 back at me...disapointed?, frustrated?, hurt??, As if I (who is the egoist?) had a right to be...ouch.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Action...I guess we all have seen our share... So glad no one reads this...I would be on Prozac too...
Ok, you know what really irks....when talk show hosts want a bunch of idiot sycophants, cheering them on instead of thoughtful, mindful, engaged and informed listeners... That kind of showboat egoism, is what turns informative mind changing shows in to pointless, mindless, name calling entertainment.
On a point, for discussion; what is so important about rumination. I mean unless it is over something about which you likely soon be acting upon..or else in the process of heightening a relationship over, such as when reading Gods word...what good does it do to sit about a yak about it? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD..
DO SOMETHING!
again here I sit...3 back at me...disapointed?, frustrated?, hurt??, As if I (who is the egoist?) had a right to be...ouch.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Action...I guess we all have seen our share... So glad no one reads this...I would be on Prozac too...
Friday, January 19, 2007
Time
Not really a post, it just occurred to me watching the seconds tick by on the clock that no matter where in the world you are the seconds are still the same...I know that isn't very profound...It's just funny...43...44...45...46...like a global heartbeat 3ooo miles away or 7563 miles away it doesn't matter. We talk on the phone and our seconds are measured the same regardless of where in the sky, relative to us, the sun is, or even if it is shining at all. Our moments are counted or not, is it changed by the observation of it? The seconds go...18...19...20...21... every one a promise, a breath closer to the time of our L-rd when perhaps time will cease to be immovable or change in some unfathomable fabulous way...9...10...11...
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Home?
Wow! I downloaded the "Virtual Kotel" from the JerusalemPost.com. I just get the cheezy free version (cause I b broke:+D) but it is just so amazing! It is exacetly (sic) midnight here and here I sit glued to a wall so far away from my reality it makes me want to cry.
There is a man whom the camera is currently zoomed in on. He is fascinating to me. Does he comprehend the value of his presence at that place. He is standing to the left of a niche in the wall with some sort of small white "structure" inside. I long to ask him; "what is that?" I want to invite him to sit with me in the chairs behind him and ask him; what it is like to be Jewish? and be home? Home?..... this is a hurtful topic...I am as of tomorrow, well today seeing as how it is past tomorrow now, most possibly homeless...well houseless anyway...my landlords have likely sold my little tiny place and...
Anyhow, What is it like for him to be standing next to the home of his faith, in the center of the universe, touching stones that link him to his spiritual past, present, and future? Standing there in his blue striped white tallit a moment in an eternity of G-ds presence. Does he grasp even for a micro-second the import of his actions he lays his hand against the wall "The Wall?" does the rock feel like rock, is it cold and lifeless? is it something more? I beg him from thousands upon thousands of miles away...but it is day there...and it is night here and i am left unanswered. I must be contented for now with a glimpse. A stolen jealous almost gentile glimpse...and he is gone? My curse for him is that he forever remember and feel those stones against his hand...may he always long for them and look towards the day when stone is again laid on stone, word upon word, light upon light, G-d resides again and all is set again to right.
There is a man whom the camera is currently zoomed in on. He is fascinating to me. Does he comprehend the value of his presence at that place. He is standing to the left of a niche in the wall with some sort of small white "structure" inside. I long to ask him; "what is that?" I want to invite him to sit with me in the chairs behind him and ask him; what it is like to be Jewish? and be home? Home?..... this is a hurtful topic...I am as of tomorrow, well today seeing as how it is past tomorrow now, most possibly homeless...well houseless anyway...my landlords have likely sold my little tiny place and...
Anyhow, What is it like for him to be standing next to the home of his faith, in the center of the universe, touching stones that link him to his spiritual past, present, and future? Standing there in his blue striped white tallit a moment in an eternity of G-ds presence. Does he grasp even for a micro-second the import of his actions he lays his hand against the wall "The Wall?" does the rock feel like rock, is it cold and lifeless? is it something more? I beg him from thousands upon thousands of miles away...but it is day there...and it is night here and i am left unanswered. I must be contented for now with a glimpse. A stolen jealous almost gentile glimpse...and he is gone? My curse for him is that he forever remember and feel those stones against his hand...may he always long for them and look towards the day when stone is again laid on stone, word upon word, light upon light, G-d resides again and all is set again to right.
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