What to do, when you don't know what to do?
When one begins to run out of time, time that seemed just yesterday infinite and friendly. And today seems like the enemy. Each day taunting, and vicious in its inexorable march forward. What will become of me in that onslaught?
What does one do when one regrets the time and life given in service to others?
Do I begrudge them of the time I once happily, joyfully, willingly gave? To move their (not my) goals forward. To guarantee that their (not my) children succeeded. To fill their hearts (not mine) with security, joy, and contentment?
I hate myself for saying it, but at this time in my life, childless, degree-less, spouse-less, and near hopeless, I must say that; yes, yes I do regret every year I spent improving the lives of ungrateful, selfish, others.
So what does one do? Except sit overwhelmed and cry out to HaShem for a bit of merciful fairness?
2 comments:
"In the footsteps of the Messiah, arrogance [chutzpah] will increase; prices will rise; grapes will be abundant but wine will be costly; the government will turn into heresy; and there will be no reproach. The meeting place [of scholars] will become a bordello; the Galilee will be destroyed; the highland will lie desolate; the border people will wander from city to city and none will show them compassion; the wisdom of authors will stink; sin‑fearing people will be detested; truth will be missing; young men will humiliate the elderly; the elderly will stand while the young sit; sons will revile their fathers; daughters will strike their mothers, brides will strike their mothers‑in‑law; and a man's enemies will take over his house. The face of the generation is like the face of a dog! Sons have no shame in front of their fathers; and on whom can one depend? Only upon our father in heaven [Sotah 9:15]."
http://www.myjewishlearning.com/beliefs/Theology/Afterlife_and_Messiah/Messianism/The_Messianic_Age.shtml
And you are complaining??? ;)
And from the same web site:
"Many rabbis believed that the Messiah would arrive suddenly on the eve of Passover, the first redemption, which serves as a model of the final redemption [Mekilta de-Rabbi Ishmael, Pischa 14]."
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